Why?
by Aemiz
Summary: After Lloyd takes off without so much as a second thought, Zelos is left to question why. Inspired by the song Why?, written by ayaka. Friendship/Tragedy. Oneshot.


_**Prepare for some serious Kratos bashing in this fic, but that should be obvious to you by now since this is told from Zelos' perspective.**_

_**This is mostly just a string of thoughts, but the setting of this fic takes place at Dirk's house with everyone in Lloyd's room including Dirk.**_

_**Pairings: Implied Colloyd, implied one-sided Shelloyd, one-sided Sheelos, slight Zelette. And, if you interpret it this way, Zelloyd. I tried to be as flexible as possible and appeal to most audiences.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia. Namco does.**_

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_Why? _

_…How could you, bud? How could you just take off like that without even saying goodbye? More importantly, without thinking it through?_

_I thought you were just going to see your bastard of a father off, not join him in that hellhole! Don't you get it, man? Don't you know the real reason why he left? Gah, I knew you were dense but damn…_

_Kratos went to Derris-Kharlan to discard the remaining Exsphere's, yes, and eventually __**kill **__himself! Think about it—well, you can't think about it since I'm thinking about it and I'm pretty sure you're not a mind reader, plus you're drifting away on a comet somewhere in space right now so how could you even guess what thoughts are going through my head?—anyway, the reason why Kratos chose not to stay and be the father he always should have been was because he knew he fucked up. We all knew. I knew. You knew, but you didn't want to admit it._

_At least, we thought you knew._

_He's a terrible father and he knows it. Sure, he saved you countless times but he also tried to kill you, too! And then, when he finally comes to the realization that there's hope for the two worlds, he lays it on __**you**__ to fix __**his**__ mistakes! He forces you to fight him in order to release Origin's seal, he leaves you with all of the responsibility, and he made both you and Colette suffer while he went around gathering the items for the Ring of the Pact, just so __**you**__ could wield the Eternal Sword and save the world! I just can't understand what you see in him! Why you admire him so much and why you abandoned everyone who loves you just for __**him**__! _

_Don't you realize what you've done…? Don't you realize that what we're feeling now is the same thing you felt when Kratos betrayed you for the first time? _

_After you left, everyone just fell apart. No letter, no goodbye—nothing. Yuan broke the news to us, and even he was speechless about the whole thing. Colette was the first to break, and is taking it much harder than the rest of us. None of us wanted to believe it, but when we watched her fall to the ground for the first time __with tears in her eyes, screaming your name and how it couldn't be true, it was then that we knew for sure that you weren't coming back._

_Colette… Colette loved you. She still loves you. And we all thought that someday you two would get married, and live a simple life together in Iselia with kids and a white picket fence. It's what we wanted for you, but only because we thought that was what you wanted as well. I guess… we never really knew what you wanted after all—but I still can't believe you chose __**him**__ over us! I'm not even sure I want to believe it._

_And I don't even know what to say to her… what to think… because nothing I say will bring you back. She knows that. _

_I never thought I'd ever have to say this about you but… you don't even deserve my little angel anymore. Not that she'd be better off with a traitor like me, but if I knew I had someone like her to come home to, I wouldn't trade that for anything._

…_Although, that's easier said than done, I know. Still… __**Kratos**__, man? Geez… _

_Beside her, Sheena sits in a chair at your bedside, stroking Colette's back and telling her that it will be alright. But anyone could easily see the crumbling sensation behind that gentle façade of hers._

_Sheena… My sweet, voluptuous hunny. The one person in this world I'd give anything to have. As much as I loved you like a brother, I was also jealous of you because of the way she looked at you. I always knew she had a thing for you, but was too shy to say to voice her feelings. It's kind of cute the way she acts tough, but is really thoughtful and caring underneath it all. Still, she didn't want to ruin what you and Colette had—what we thought you and Colette had. She always stood on the sidelines, watching the chemistry flow between you and my little angel. All I could do was give her a brief moment to release her frustration on me and storm off, hoping that it would alleviate some of her pain if she focused on how much of a disappointment I was rather than feel that way about herself. I just hated seeing that glazed look in her eyes. _

_Of course, I would never come out and say that either._

_And now that you're gone, I can see the tears forming in her eyes. She probably always knew that she'd never have a chance with you, but now she was certain that what she desired could never be. I suppose she felt sorry for Colette too, but…_

_And then I turn my attention to the two half-elves standing across the room, absently watching Colette's sobbing figure. That little twerp you called your best friend, and my Ultra Cool Beauty standing beside him with her hand on his shoulder._

_Genis… I never liked the kid. But then again, many people never did because of what he was—a half-elf. And yet, out of everyone, you were the one person who really and truly accepted him. Sure, Colette did too, but she could never share that special bond between male friends that the two of you had. You stood up for him and what he was, knowing that you would be persecuted as well. You were the one person he could depend on. Of course, he put you down at times—friends tend to do that without really __thinking about how much they're hurting the other person—but despite all of that, how could you do what you did to him? To all of us? …To me?_

_Raine… The person you always referred to as the 'Professor.' Your mentor, at school and during our journeys together. I'm sure if you somehow magically appeared in this room right now, she would beat you so hard into the ground you'd soil yourself. And then the rest of us would join her. But can you blame her? Sure, you were never very good in school and a bit slow at times, but the Professor never gave up on you. She always corrected your mistakes, even though you forgot about them moments later, and always praised you for a job well done. She was proud of you for what you did for half-elves and for what you did for the sake of the world. And now… as hard as she tries to be calm and rational about the situation, she probably feels like a complete failure as a teacher. I'm sure if anyone could have talked you out of going, it would have been her. I'm sure she knows that. I can also imagine her wondering what she did wrong and what she could have done to make you stay. We all feel that way, but her more so. At least, that's what I think._

_Standing at my side, Regal is also trying to be calm and rational about the whole ordeal. And now that Mr. President here comes to mind, I remember that time that Kratos and I saved him from being attacked by those angels after I betrayed you guys and how he told me he was determined to keep on living because you made him promise you that he would, no matter what—as much as he wants to be with Alicia. He stayed because he knew he had friends to come home too, who care about him enough that they don't want him to sacrifice himself or live out a life of guilt over Alicia's death! I can't understand how someone as hopelessly dense as you couldn't come to that conclusion beforehand! He put his friends before himself… before what he truly wanted… _

_And then there's Presea, my little rosebud. She's always had a hard time showing her emotions and how she really feels. The only time I've ever seen her cry was after she snapped out of that trance-like state and realized that her father had been dead for years and had us help her bury him. And now I can see the color running to her cheeks and her stoic expression fade away, almost to the point where she wants to cry and probably will any second now—because of you. I couldn't possibly live with myself if I made one of my hunnies cry like that, especially one as cute and fragile as her._

_And Dirk… who's probably downstairs, because I'm sure that out of all of us, he just wants to be alone right now._

…_Gah, you know what!? Dirk was more of a father to you than Kratos could ever be! Even though he isn't biologically related to you, even though he's a dwarf—he raised you as his own son. I'm sure he was hurt when he found out that Kratos is your old man, and was probably preparing for a future encounter with your father sooner or later, but I doubt he ever expected you to just pack up and leave—not even that! I bet you never even thanked him for everything he did for you! _

_And you know, I remember those long night-watches we spent together talking about this and that. I remember how several times in almost every conversation we've ever had together, Dirk's name would pop up somewhere. Whether it was to boast about your crafting skills or telling a story or one of those __lame Dwarven Vows, I could see how homesick you were underneath it all and how much you truly missed your father. Your __**real **__father._

_If my father had been like that, I would have stayed by his side—always. I wouldn't have taken it for granted. Ever._

…_You know, now that I think about it, I guess you've always missed your old man, deep down. That Kratos bastard, I mean. And you always kept that hidden under that cheerful disposition of yours so you wouldn't hurt Dirk's feelings. I guess I can't relate to you that way because I had a real father—who later committed suicide and didn't want anything to do with me so he never really was much of a father—but at least we were related. Because no matter how bad our relationship got and how much he would rather I hadn't been born, or he hadn't be born, we were still related by blood._

_I think, deep down, you always share a kind of bond with one of your own, even if you can't stand them or they you._

_...Damn it. I guess now I sort of understand. Sort of._

_You didn't want to lose him again. As much of a bastard as he is and as much as we hate you for it, it must have been what you really wanted all along. I'm sure a part of you loves Colette, as much as you don't deserve her now, but weren't ready to fit into the mold that everyone expected you to meld into._

_And I'm sure you have so many things to ask Kratos, which you have all the time in the world for now. I guess now your old man will finally have a reason to live, unlike mine._

_And someday, if Derris-Kharlan magically comes crashing down to Sylvarant/Tethe'alla and you're still alive, maybe then you'll tell us everything and how much you regretted your decision. Maybe Colette or Sheena will forgive you and you'll live happily ever after with either one of them. Maybe._

_Or maybe you don't regret your decision. Maybe the only person you have room in your heart for is your father, and the distant tales of a mother you never really got to know. Maybe you're too ashamed to come back, or you're afraid of the responsibility that that ghost spirit… thing called Martel placed in your hands. Maybe you don't think you can play the hero forever. Maybe you've finally realized that being the hero has consequences, and that the responsibility of the restoration of the two worlds would fall entirely upon you even if Kratos had decided to stay and live out a peaceful existence—in a world without Cruxis—with you._

…_But, no. You can't just rely on 'maybe's.' Life doesn't work that way. 'Truth is, we'll never know why for certain. I'm not so sure I want to know your reasons. If you told me that you'd put Kratos before the rest of us, I'd be fucking hurt, man-- no, I'd be crushed. I could never forgive you. Or myself for letting such a stupid idea go to your head._

_Well, wherever you are right now, I'm sure you're thinking about us. I'm sure you're wondering what we think, regardless of whether or not you regret your decision. I'm sure you're thinking about Colette or Sheena, and about the life you could have had with either of them._

…_Maybe you're thinking about me, the great and irresistible Chosen, Zelos, who's torn between hating and missing you. I mean, you were like my little brother, man. Maybe even more than that. _

_Ah, crap. It feels like you're already dead or something…_

_You know, I trusted you. I confided in you everything about my past—about my mother and father, Seles and her mother, how I've always hated being the Chosen…_

_And you know, if it weren't for you, man, I would have easily sacrificed you guys for the winning side. And if that happened, I'm sure you guys would have killed me if I got in your way. But then again, maybe that's what I've really wanted all along, because my entire existence has been a joke. And to think, I was just starting to think otherwise for the first time in my life..._

_My own mother told me I shouldn't have been born. I tore my father apart from the person he loved the most. And I ruined Seles' life, which in and that itself is an understatement._

_But despite that, despite everything, you reached out to me and you understood me better than anyone else ever has. Sheena and everyone else will always think I'm a total pervert and nothing more. To them I'll be that stupid, philandering Chosen. Their petty insults and accusations have always made me question the value of my existence, but you…_

…_You said that my life has value because I'm your friend. So why?_

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**_This one-shot was inspired by the song Why, by ayaka. _**

**_Thanks for reading. :)_**

**_Edited: 7:49 PM 9/6/08 for minor grammatical errors._**


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